Tuesday, March 27, 2012

I can't forget...

I Can't Forget

I saved an ant today.
I'm not bragging, how could I be?
A few times I've smashed them on my face,
I feel bad they are not the human race...
He/she was on my pancake, saved him from a syrup fate.
They'll rule the world someday
forget the human race

I ponder something that I wrote the other night,
a letter to myself for you, not about the ants I've killed
or purposefully smothered long ago
or the one's I've saved, no, it's about if we withered
and no I don't mean that.
That's stronger than a gamma ray burst
or an event horizon or a
black hole crunch.
The earth would be fried to a crisp a barren cinder
charcoal - ash. Even more so the power of the universe
duplicating itself - - - time ending and beginning again
that is us.

I was writing about something more simple
and that would become, before all that;
I was pondering what we would say to each other
if we were both about to die.
I think this would give us peace; I know you understand.
I would say, in the last gasp
I can't wait to see you again,
will you look for me?

If we had more time before we died
I would tell you about the "private
poem" that I wrote for you
back at the beginning...

"Last night I wrote a "private poem" I couldn't sleep it was quiet and I was very tired I wanted to rest but I had a gnawing, deep inside.

Sometimes I get that way when I think about you. I know it doesn't compare, this same day on T.V. I saw a documentary about the Holocaust, they were interviewing an older lady, a survivor and they actually had a picture when she and her family were off-boarded from a train. They didn't know what awaited them. They actually showed a picture of her, she was sixteen, and they showed a picture of her two little brothers; they wouldn't be "useful," they were put to death. Standing outside, beside the tracks is the last time she saw her family . It was painful watching this.

Look around you and try not to weep. This is what I was thinking when they showed an older couple; it made it harder for me to watch this imagining how they had once met when they were young and fallen in love... And now where are they?

Just think of this as a private poem from me to you: I love you I love you I love you - I had to lean into it and started to cry, I just wanted to hug you to make you a pie, this is too damn singsongy I wanted to die there is a nice little dell it's sort of a hell - it's called limbo.

Actually, I didn't write it, that wasn't it. I said it out loud and it gave me peace I thought of you and cried but I felt better and was finally able to sleep."



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