Friday, February 10, 2012

Chapel Perilous, Oscar Wilde and I must Vs. Expect nothing of me - demand nothing

Last night my writers block of staring at a blank page made me feel like that Beach Boys song I posted previous to this. I did feel sad and thats ok.

This morning I woke up feeling oddly calm and peaceful; I went outside and walked around a little bit. I started thinking that perhaps that last post was a good way to let my blog sit for a long time; I wouldn't go on my Blogger for perhaps six months or longer.

I realized that thats oddly reminiscent of something I would have done when I was about 19 or so and even more recent then that; I think its a form of "passivity" or "repression" something like a coping mechanism.

I'll never be able to fully understand other people, getting to know someone individually is the best I could hope for and to give unconditional love.

However, I can try to understand myself a little better and deal with things, however the chips might fall...

My Cosmic Trigger Finger Is Broken
by Anonymous

Everything you fear is waiting with slavering jaws in Chapel Perilous, but if you are armed with the wand of intuition, the cup of sympathy, the sword of reason, and the pentacle of valor, you will find there (the legends say) the Medicine of Metals, the Elixir of Life, the Philosopher's Stone, True Wisdom and Perfect Happiness.


From: "The Psychology of Self-Esteem" Nathaniel Branden - A Revolutionary Approach to Self-Understanding That Launched a New Era in Modern Psychology

...Now, in what manner can depression relate to anxiety?

A person is made anxious because of urgent demands, claims, or slf-expectations which he feels unable to satisfy; for example, the imperative that he possess certain knowledge and be able to cope with certain responsibilities; or that he act in a certain manner, or that he respond emotionally in a certain manner; or that he live up to certain standards and ideals. He is caught in a conflict. Suppose that he attempts to deal with it, and to minimize his anxiety, by repressing both the conflict and related guilt. In its place, on the conscious level of his awareness, he experiences a sense of passivity, futility, an general worthlessness.

If one listens closely to his declarations that he is hopeless, that life is hopeless that he is "no good," one can discern another message to be read in his words: Expect nothing of me - demand nothing of me. Since he is incurably worthless, he is outside the realm of moral expectations; for him, there can be no "I must." In this manner he "resolves" the conflict that threatens him with anxiety.

In other words, he seeks to anticipate the worst and make it a fait accompli - without coming to grips with his actual problem. Under the guise of renouncing his self-esteem, he is still secretly trying to protect it by neurotic means.

This is one of the ways in which depression can be a subconsciously elected alternative to anxiety. But it is not the only pattern. Here is another.

This pattern is related to the foregoing, but is more indirect in its workings. It is the by-product of repression. Suppose that a man, rightly or wrongly, accepts certain moral standars or value-imperatives as essential criteria of his personal worth - and yet, in some crucial respect, feels unable to comply with them; or suppose he desires something desperately which he regards as immoral and, therefore, impossible to assert or pursue. The conflict is repressed. Since it is repressed, it cannot be resolved; he can either recheck his standards and discover whether he has made an error - nor can he form any rational policy in regard to the failure (s) or action (s) or desire (s) that is in conflict with his self-expectations.

He is left with the oppressive, enervating sense of some nameless, unalterable, irremediable burden, which he is sentenced to carry and live with to the end of his days. He has lost or minimized his anxiety. He may be comparatively free of conscious guilt. But what he experiences, instead, is despair - an exhausting despair that paralyzes the will to act.

He has relinquished the possibility of achieving self-esteem or happiness. But these are a man's motive power.

If, in the context of psychotherapy, the basic question to ask in regard to a patient's anxiety is: "What is your crime?" - the basic question to ask in regard to a patient's depression, is often: "What do you desire that you consider immoral and unattainable?"

To regain his mental health, the depressed person must be willing to experience anxiety - must be willing to relinquish the "comfort" of despair and to confront his anxiety-provoking conflicts, in order to resolve them and move forward.

Consider the situation of a man lost in some vast, icy, northern terrain, with snow stretching desolately and endlessly around him. He knows that there is a camp somewhere far ahead and he must reach it, that his life depends on reaching it. But he is exhausted and bitterly cold, and his passionate desire is only to lie down and rest. Yet if he does, he knows that he will fall asleep and die. To move is torture; but stillness is the end of hope.

The person suspended between anxiety and depression is like that man. He must resist the illusory comfort and despair and be willing to endure anxiety, to drive himself forward, to keep searching and moving, in order to reach safety, efficacy, and health. ...

Positive Role Model-Pet Shop Boys

The strength of women comes from the fact that psychology cannot explain us. Men can be analysed, women ... merely adored.

OSCAR WILDE, The Ideal Husband

“How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.” ~ Oscar Wilde

Pet Shop Boys - 13 Je T'Aime...Moi Non Plus

Pet Shop Boys - 07.- Friendly fire

“If you are not long, I will wait for you all my life.”
― Oscar Wilde


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