I take back one thing...

f-u-c-k the idea I had about continuing to blog into the future, even on a limited basis; I'll be happy to retire this fuck--err

"When all is said and done and we have had our fun I will have fed you pie until the day I die"

Are you happpppy now? Do I get you!!!??? Is that the test!!!???


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ok please,

please help Me

please

I've occasionally had imaginary conversations with you, they're becoming more frequent. One time I arrived at the pool early, I got my towel and stuff and was about to get out but I sat in the car and began daydreaming. These fantasies are becoming more and more realistic...

I get excited and imagine nice things.
I won't write what that is here but I'll tell you someday.

You like it,,,,well I imagine you do...it's just one second we're talking about, just anything and then suddenly you ask me a question but you mean something else,,,, well, I won't write that sort of thing here,,,,it's just so realistic, your smiling and telling me something but I can't hear you very well and then I get closer to ask you what your saying... I don't know what to do about it anymore. I'm just a little concerned because they're always fantasies about the first time I see you again. And like I said one second we're talking and then I'm confused for a second... I just don't want you to get the wrong idea about me. We can move slowly - never mind... I don't know what I'm trying to tell you, maybe it's better, they're just daydreams... I'm just asking you to help me... I'm just worried about it, the things I'm thinking about; you look serious but your smiling too...

I know it's just me but it seems like I can come up with a half plausible reality. For the most part I carry on normally but it's usually after the sun goes down that I get butterflies in my stomach and I can't imagine anything else but being with you and talking about, what sounds good for dinner. But then we don't eat until later, till afterward and I'm even more hungry; I get really thirsty too and I really do, thinking about it while I'm sitting there. I know they're just crazy fantasies, I know it's just me, I don't know why I let myself imagine. I get so tired. The only thing that snaps me out of it is convincing myself that I'm just hungry...

































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