* Astrid & Frank Sinatra

update 10:43AM volleyball Miss Kittin

I was about to post this last night, I was feeling like a goody 2 shoes, and thought I would sleep on it - then I was out all day... There is probably another song but Frank Sinatra works for this picture and on other levels and because kaih8941 used F.S. mug shots awesome (...I think because she's holding back containing a smirk - insert song)- I'm not even sure if i'm going to use this one for a portfolio etc, it looks dark on my friend's monitor. That's how it should go (soap box, swimming analogy)over thinking can be bad, I'm all for planning etc etc, but just like my freestyle technique - I've swum a couple times recently in the ocean, first time tossed around, second time it was cool it all clicked - sometimes at the pool it's smooth sailing like a lake, it's to easy too over analyze and I tend to do too many drills trying to be perfect and it backfires. Today it all clicked - those drills payed off, my body knew what to do. Today was the first time I stayed up with the swim team kids - I was wearing fins - they're fast. They're are so many times I thought my technique had clicked - I've had brilliant moments but I realized my body wasn't able to sustain it - you need the right muscles conditioning etc. I've often thought how I could have easily quit - like yesterday I felt awful - one of my swim buddies said I was probably over thinking and how it was a Monday pool closed Sunday etc etc. That's right.


I think I'm doing all right with life, considering I tend to be slow or do things the hard way, sometimes out of stubbornness. It's taken me a long time to accept myself. Last year I showed my photography portfolio for the first time (and come to think of it, haven't since but going too soon) - so I went all the way to NYC. I don't have a lap top and I almost got an I phone before going there but decided I was just going to force myself to interact with people instead of researching to death (for instance) - that's how I got around to showing my portfolio at a really cool magazine. Once I got to the receptionist and waited around I was like oh shit - if I would have looked at their website I would have talked myself out of it, I hadn't even looked at their new magazine just an old one from the 90's (different editor) - it was really cool - looked at all my pictures - they said keep working hard and stay in touch - down the road type thing... I got a job at a boutique much the same way, in Soho, talked to the owner - I wrote about this once and erased.


I'm writing all this to remind myself. I'm a died in the wool introvert and thinking about the wrong things or about them the wrong way is bad for me. I wrote a bunch of things in my notebook sitting in the car earlier and I even researched something - it said you got to make your own luck. I was wondering about that and I think I know what they mean. When I had my gallery all kind of things would happen - if your cynical you would say it's because you had a gallery. But I even remember thinking this at the time that I could have totally just "faked" it or I think there is another way to put that and I'm not talking about being a bullshiter; because I met a lot of people outside the gallery, it's kind of like being enthusiastic and taking risks. There are lots of art dealers that don't have galleries and they make a lot of money - it helps to be a smooth talker and know your stuff and be in the right circles etc. You just got to do it (of course) but I have to give my self a pep talk occasionally - because months and months go by and I know I'm progressing but sometimes it seems so far off - I Googled being stuck in a small town.

One other thing - at my friends house using his computer...in case this sounds totally random. Also, back during those gallery days - a friend who was wise - would often comment on the meaning of life and all the interesting people that would grace our presence... Of course you can search the internet or go to a library, walk down the street, look around there is cool shit everywhere, perhaps know someone or know of really cool interesting people that are the shit - icons.  Still have you ever searched and searched and still not felt satisfied because you keep imagining there's got to be more, or is that it? Wizard of Oz analogy: A lot of times there is - you can't see everything and sometimes the best stuff is the most simple sweet stuff in life - not the Taj Mahal, thought that's pretty damn cool.  You have to realize  - no one else is going to do it - it's up to you.  



out of context now;)

Ellen Allien - I wait for you

thanks 4 thevideo KLOD9093

*insert volleyball analogy: "get it, get it, "O" gets-it and makes the perfect set-up for "X" who instead of spiking-it gently with his fingertips fakes-out his opponent and the ball floats over the net and gently bounces on the sand for the winning point;) "


Miss Kittin & The Hacker - Frank Sinatra (Full Version *no bullshit)

thnks kaih8941







Ellen Allien - Caress




Starbuilds Faves ~ Ellen Allien "Funkenflug der Träume"



thanks starbuilds