Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Pina Colada song and The Sirius Connection

[drawings below]

Just heard on the radio and (of course) it's related to my next post.

It's a nifty device making the jump from the Pina Colada song to the Sirius Connection, both in the realm of the mystical and the very practical level of relationships. I'll post what I wrote later rrr maybe tomorrow and just post date it so its 2/29. In another universe i'd probably be going to bed earlier.

From the question of "How do you know it is me?" which is the essence of the song and also in the Sufi story about the man entering the store.

To the Babylonian story of Ishtar and Tammuz: You could say that the Goddess Ishtar loved the god of spring Tammuz so much that she was,,,, "willing to let her guard down."

And its an interesting allegory on eternity and love.

The Pina Colada Song

I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long.
Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song.
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed.
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read:

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
I'm the lady you've looked for, write to me, and escape."

I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean.
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine.
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad.
And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half-bad.

"Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne.
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape.
At a bar called O'Malley's, where we'll plan our escape."

So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place.
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face.
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, "Oh, it's you."
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, "I never knew"..

"That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."

"...or simply an excuse for everything" Australia Bee Gees LMFAO and getting rid of random guilt...

"Don't worry about anything ... life's scary but beautiful at the same time."
From an email I received this morning (I wrote this last night, mostly) . Thanks Matteo! This picture is my favorite.

"I wouldn't normally do this kind of thing" Pet Shop Boys from the album Very

A limited edition of Very was also released as a double album entitled Very Relentless

Alright, this song is a disclaimer of sorts because even at 2AM I didn't post it and now in the daylight it makes me more "nervous" to paint the picture that I do;) I like to think that it was a prescient act for me to link this video "oh so many months ago" an occasion when the title of this song made sense "I Wouldn't Normally Do This Kind Of Thing" and I wrote a comment coming from a place of empathy. I describe it as prescient because on closer inspection the lyrics, well,,,just wait. oo la la, "Le sacre du printemps"

Tonight I had my best swim ever, my freestyle technique finally clicked. I felt like a crocodile, my eyes just peeking above water, lazily swishing my tail..

A year ago I thought I had it down, nope, its nothing like I thought it would be; its better in fact, feels way different. It's such a stable position - your head has to be like the bow of a ship and you can feel the water crashing on the top of your head (its cool). It takes muscles that I'd never used in my life (core muscles). I had never thought about quitting but when I think about how many drills I've done and at times how frustrating it's been, it amazes me. I'm still swimming pretty slow but I didn't even have to think about it (just fine tuning stuff). I can build on top of this. I can't believe it but swimming is going to be even more fun.

Losing your mind - "just keep the good parts"

Got to balance out the Bee Gees with LMFAO - their song does make a good point, their lyrics about having fun and how you should lose your mind.

1.My big epiphany is that I've stopped feeling "random guilt," real or perceived. I tested it. I thought about what I was doing (making pancakes) and I made myself feel guilty, it's so easy to feel guilty, it sucks. Sometimes when your brain is constantly thinking, imagine being hyper; but that isn't always that over-active kid, its also that "shoe gazer" who is ruminating and it can be both. You can get stuck in one of those negative feedback loops, its an awful sound. You've got to get in a situation where everything your doing matters because you love it and it makes you happy and that's what matters most and that leads to a happy everything.

This over thinking thing and falling into the trap of guilt is a real problem for people who have A.D.D. or various forms of depression and it can be traced to self esteem issues (Nathaniel Brandon "The Psychology of Self Esteem"). There are so many fundamental issues connected to this, from how you see yourself to the importance of confronting fear (anxiety).

And you've got to realize that you deserve to be HAPPY (Tal Ben-Shahar, "Happier")!!! Being happy should be your "ultimate currency." It opens the door to everything you love and makes things fall into place.

2. Love as " excuse for everything." In essence what I've written about below is don't feel guilty about spending all your time on something that you love. But it's worth explaining further and also so it can be applied in a practical sense to "making a career out of it," to making money.

Every day I think really hard about something (one day at a time) its a pleasure really; 3 weeks have passed + +, it's become an ingrained habit;) My only outlet for it has been this fucking blog "I Hustle and Other Things" literally! I have prefaces for blog posts (!) I've had blog posts so long they need "musical interludes," I'm citing books etc etc but all of this, all of that, has been a blessing in disguise.

A few days ago I ended up writing a line for the letter "I" it was a thought experiment...that this "something" could simply be an excuse for everything...

" excuse for everything" - that's a powerful concept if you apply it in a certain way.

This requires further elucidation.

The human brain makes connections, one thing leads to another etc etc. but i've been so focused and a little "ADD" about it that I've come to the conclusion that that's a clue to how everyone should lead their lives (I'll tie it together in a minute). I know its in those self help books "do what you love" as a career goal etc etc


"the work you do while you procrastinate..."

"... is probably the work you should be doing for the rest of your life."

By definition my career should be that of a professional,,,,,Hustler (and "other things" oo la la what could that be?).

You see everything is connected and it literally really is, the Universe is all tied together everything, everyone, every thought; it could even be a hologram.

The secret is being in love!

Making everything you do every thought or action about love.

When it's about something you love it all starts to make sense.

Things you couldn't even imagine start to appear before your eyes.

Love helps you realize the true value of things.

Thus knowing the true value of things helps you make better and better decisions.

3. It's a lifestyle choice to be in love all the time. And I'm trying to make the argument that you could make more money because of it compared to simply sticking to inside the box living where perhaps your only "in love" before or after work, or on the weekends, or as a hobby, that will make sense in a minute;)

Just an example:

You might desire to travel to X and maybe live there for an indeterminate amount of time...

But perhaps you could first roam say the South West (or take your pick). It would be fun testing out different approaches to this as well.

You could do it like the gypsies do, caravan from place to place or some version of that...

How is this all possible you have to make money or have enough of it - again, look to that which you love...

You might have to let go of certain things. Again if your making decisions based on love and its
going to make you happy then things can be worked out. There is no need to suffer and there is no need to get stressed out.

You can make smaller goals and build up to stuff; don't quit your day job yet, you got to have a specific plan and lots of wiggle room and start working on it little by little...

But also your goals have to be big or else its not worth doing. And because your not worried or feeling guilty your going to be really productive and because its things that you love your going to be super inspired and good at it and their is value in that. Because lets face it you have to make money. Sometimes a deal comes down to "the price of something" and you have to use that to your advantage. It's a judgment call, you have to know who your dealing with - sometimes when something is a commodity like lettuce or broccoli its going to have no real intrinsic value other then what the market dictates. So sometimes along the way you just got to make a buck even when its something your really good at, but then that leads to more and more things because your doing it. The trick is to get started so you can get further and further along.

I mentioned broccoli and thats an interesting example. Back in the day the Japanese imported tons and tons of broccoli from California; they wanted crowns because they looked good and they payed a premium for that. That premium has to be negotiated and I read a book about that once, actually it was two books, same author, William Ury, "Getting to Yes" and "Getting Past No." So your negotiating a price for something... How much more are the broccoli crowns going to be worth? Its still a commodity but that can be applied to a lot of different things. What is the intrinsic value of a dark green, pebbly smooth, beautifully shaped broccoli crown? What is the intrinsic value of what you're doing? What is the intrinsic value of what you love?

So you got to get into deals, dealing with people so that it comes to a point where you call their bluff. They have to realize that they need to pay you more because you've got something that gives them more. The people your dealing with have to see the value in standing apart from their competition; it comes down to marketing. It comes down to having something that gives them that. You got to figure that out but that's easy because your so in love with what your doing its effortless and it just starts to happen.

Like my swimming example. You got to keep trying every day, sometimes you think you've got it but not quite but you can't give up, you don't want to give up - its fun anyway it makes you happy then one day it just clicks. But you got to dive in first.

I might have just reinvented the wheel but hey, nobody ever sat me down and explained things to me. So what am I really saying? I want to live like a gypsy with the person I love, travel when the mood hits or because it's needed, set up base camps for extended stays, meet and deal (make deals) with interesting people; all the while making more money than if I would just have stayed home that day and not emailed crazy shit to this "person" because she's already changed my life by just being who she is...and I love her simply for that.

Rick Ross: Definition of a Hustler

LMFAO - Party Rock Anthem ft. Lauren Bennett

I remember seeing this concert on T.V. back in '97

Bee Gees - Words (Live One Night Only 1997)


I wouldn't normally do this kind of thing

Ask me why
I'll say it's most unusual
How can I even try to explain
why today I feel like dancing
singing like lovers sing
when I wouldn't normally do this kind of thing?
I wouldn't normally do this kind of thing

Ask me when
I'll say it started when I met you
and ever since then I knew that the past couldn't last
For right now I think I'm running
a race I know I'm gonna win
and I wouldn't normally do this kind of thing
I wouldn't normally do this kind of thing

If people say I'm crazy
I tell them that it's true
Let them watch with amazement
say it won't last beyond breakfast
it's a phase he's going through
denigrate or speculate
on what I'm going through
because it isn't the sort of thing I'd normally do

Ask me what
I'll say I think it's good for you
Believe it or not I know where it's all leading to
I feel like taking all my clothes off
dancing to The Rite of Spring
and I wouldn't normally do this kind of thing
I wouldn't normally do this kind of thing
I wouldn't normally do this kind of
this kind of thing

AdamG1983 (4 years ago)

Wow, they even resurrected Mozart to introduce them...very classy!

Say it's most unusual!

stephengnelson (11 months ago)

those dancers are so hot they even look good doing the funky chicken


davespetshopboys (3 months ago)

@Altenon01 "How can I even try to explain?"

Altenon01 (3 months ago)

"It's most unusual!"

A deerstalker a crocodile and a geometric proof

"Notes to myself"

I've been Sherlocking a lot lately...

I've had to piece stuff together;)

And on different levels, I've learned stuff about myself...

I've been randomly feeling guilty (for a long time) about doing things I love which a lot of times is just being myself; that can fuck you up and you won't even know it...

My random doodle above: I only use to do that kind of stuff in my free time then I use to move on to "work." Now I've realized that's some of the most important stuff that I do! Because I love it, they're just words and doodles from my subconscious but it can lead to so many things. It's like directions to life, to ideas that have never occurred to me. And since in the past I was feeling guilty about even letting myself drift in the first place, they are things that I might have dreamed about before but didn't think I deserved doing or leaving till last when I've done some other more important thing that I was "suppose" to do first...

I'm not saying to be reckless and irrational, I've kind of done that sort of thing before, so I've learned my lessons. But if your going to spend your time, the precious moments of your life, why not spend it doing what you love. Sometimes that's hard to pin down, all the specifics of the day to day "work that need to be done," to get you to the next day and so forth.

Your whole life could be like a vacation but that even gets boring after a while. But hey thats why they have those cheesy activities directors (you need one that knows you better then anyone, yourself) who kind of convinces you to do a few things that at first kind of seem like work; but you start doing them (shuffle board) and it's kind of fun and you realize your good at it (skeet) and then before you know it it's lunch time or its 4 o'clock pina colada time (occasionally it might have to be a virgin) and you've done all this stuff which just builds on itself and that was just one day and you've accomplished something. Sometimes these things might be intangible to other people, and so what (!) this is your life not theirs. [I've never been on a cruise but use to watch "The Love Boat" as a little kid. I also use to watch "Fantasy Island",,,hmmm forgot about that one till just now. That show is quite relevant to all of this...]

"What a sad fate for a painter who loves blondes, but who refrains from putting them in his picture because they don’t go with the basket of fruit! What misery for a painter who hates apples to be obliged to use them all the time because they go with the cloth! I put everything I love in my pictures. So much the worse for the things, they have only to arrange themselves with one another."

* Boisgeloup, winter 1934, quoted in Letters of the great artists – from Blake to Pollock -, Richard Friedenthal, Thames and Hudson, London, 1963, p. 256 (translation Daphne Woodward)

If you dug to the root of the matter, I guarantee you that that description above, is describing some form of GUILT.

Those painters felt like they "had" to do something,that it had to be a certain way...

"Nobody Knows Anything"

William Goldman

Thats a liberating concept too... It's about movie executives, and how they don't know 100% how a movie will do until it gets released. Could be a hit or a bomb or maybe it will turn out to be one of those cult classics;)

Accidents, try to change them - it's impossible. The accidental reveals man.

* Vogue, 1 November 1956

My random notes (see notebook scan above):

Copper house - a friend's parent's house; it's a really inspiring place, quiet and its on national forest land (nifty), self contained too... Dad's a cool guy, he loves to grow hay, mostly for the love of it...

[People from other countries want to come here and typically we want to go there; (grass is always greener thing) I'm trying to figure out the advantages of that hmmm? In general I would be happy anywhere...]

Canal (Colorado River) Az/Ca border - I swam there once, on the way to several months of "adventuring" in NM; 2007 the year of my "nervous breakdown," it was great though, I think I'm barely recovering. Santa Fe was nice but I wish I would have spent more time further out - near and around Taos. There is so much commercial "crap" in the towns you have to explore further. The weather is quite nice at elevation...what the hell am I getting at? Why am I thinking about the South West and desserts so much, I thought I was island tripping, oh yeah Australia encapsulated it for me, you know...the home of strange animals and stuff :)

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Art Star

Saw this video Saturday night...

Bee Gees, Staying alive


Popfeenin (5 months ago)

Wait a second...Pat Ast, Debra Lee Scott, and Twiggy were her Bad Girls? I need to find this DVD now!

I was a little kid I remember hearing on the radio and watching this on T.V, i was like WOW!

Amii Stewart - Knock on Wood
Knock on Wood is a studio album by Amii Stewart released in February 1979. I'm not that superstitious but doing that "bread and butter" thing sounds sounds like fun.


Gloria Gaynor - Never can say goodbye
Of course now and then but I would be like one of those pigeons;)

I've got check my geometric proof (my next post). This is just the preface to buy me time;)

P.S. i actually have a deerstalker hmm got to come up with an outfit???

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

I feel like Bella in New Moon...

baby flying fox

[update at 4:29 very bottom]

I mean something like that;)

New Moon - Motorcycle crash Scene

but i wish i was Kristen... (something like that...I'm such a dumshit;)

Robert/Kristen filming dirt bike scene

Lets Get Physical - Summer Nights

Olivia Neweton John says "you know what I mean"

Olivia Newton-John "PHYSICAL" (2005 Remix)

"OO" la la I'd like to be smack dab in the middle of "Australia" right now and/or along the edges would be nice too playing in the surf, riding those waves...

Grease - Summer Nights - John Travolta & Olivia Newton

baby flying foxes

these little guys like this song it reminds them of Halloween (they're going to love it)

run dmc and beastie boys its tricky


Monday, February 27, 2012

I'm watching Vivre Sa Vie now...

[updated at midnight]

It's on pause,,,

I know it will just happen someday...

Driving this weekend I thought about what I would really want to do...

Pleasantries and greetings seem almost irrelevant at this point...

Maybe that's where that werewolf thing came from but I don't mean "that" ...

Just a quiet place to relax...

Maybe that's why this is working so well right now...

This is our wooded bower (for now) and its perfect...

I bow down...


OK hour is up,,,,"The Number of the Beast"

It's alright if, you couldn't figure it out tonight... [ who am I talking to;) ? ]

It's not that relevant of a "riddle" for today, there are still some days to go, maybe it will just dawn on you, here eventually...

I think I posted (just) because of the word "beast," and because soon I might finally post "The Sirius" connection. Damn I've built that up and I already gave away the ending.

Also, it was kind of relevant because of the Crowley drawings and "numbers" stuff that are going to be in that post etc. etc.

And furthermore it was worth (I'm such a dumb ass) posting so that perhaps when you do get it, it will seem kind of interesting, how the numbers and dates work out. It's not the craziest thing, perhaps just a coincidence but I like to read into it, you know me, anyhow...


Awww, is that it for today...tonight?

I'm kind of sad...

Maybe I can post something else (later tonight) and just leave it open ended...

I wish we could...

I mean...

I'd rather just fall asleep watching "Vivre Sa Vie" if you know what I mean...


I do dot dot a lot don't I?

anyhow, more clues...

"OO" it was...

Released 12 May 1972


Recorded July 1971 – March 1972

something something like that;)

no pressure, but still;) perhaps on the day in question or by the "ides,"
,,,still no pressure;)

The Rolling Stones - Tumbling Dice Lyrics

The Number of the Beast

Let him who have understanding
reckon the number of the beast
for it is a human number
its number is six hundred and sixty six.

The Number of the Beast LYRICS

9:10pm update 10:25 I posted something above (another post).

It's not the most obvious first thing that comes to mind, though that would be nice 2.

I'm just going to leave this post like this for an hour or so while I eat dinner;)

I like to add numbers and count the number of repeating places just for fun

Don't try to use the equation below unless you happen to know an astrologer I mean astronomer - it's so Crowlean you know, wait just ignore this probably just confused things more - It's just the word "sine" and "angle" and "golden ratio" sounds so cool...not that thats so relevant (just shoot me now;) food is getting cold.

"The sine of the angle 666° multiplied by -2 is equal to the golden ratio"

stuff like this is tricky...math class, it's been a while, you know how those days and months can add up...

Oh yeah I wasn't going to post this today because the math is tricky enough and I didn't want to confuse things, but it's still kind of relevant in terms of blogosphere stuff

So i'm going to eat dinner - I have no fucking clue how to explain this POST but it would be fun if someone figured it out - what sign could I look for?

run dmc and beastie boys its tricky

P.S. maybe tonight i'll fall asleep watching Godard's Vivre Sa Vie - I can understand every 12th word or so but who's counting

" who's hungry"

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Gypsy Talisman Bark at the Moon

(a story fragment...Gypsy Talisman)

blood satiated, dripping, he climbs high above the river that separates their territory

the wolf lifts its head howling in the night, beckoning its mate

below the rain pummeled creek swollen, the rocks cracking with the swell

the trout look up, bemused, their eyes stare round and black - the moon glistens on their backs

he stares down his mate as she approaches

his temples tingle with her scent as he circles their muzzles touch momentarily

he rubs along her mane she has killed as well

snarling his fangs bite down

she moans in pleasure as the pain shoots down, to her loins

she could rip him to shreds but they're bound she fights back

the lightning cracks the moon is black the ghost clouds race death

he licks her wound, she caresses as he bows

he curls up next to her as they slumber

the cold wind (their preternatural fire) will not disrupt their wolf's coat thick and fluff

morning sun glows they awaken naked and cut-up

they are scarred from previous encounters

the wooded bower as they devour they will kill again

Ozzy Osbourne-Bark At The Moon

Guess the two things I think about most driving all day and listening to music?





Bangles - Manic Monday - 1986






good morning...


Bark At The Moon

Screams break the silence
Waking from the dead of night
Vengeance is boiling
He's returned to kill the light
Then when he's found who he's looking for
Listen in awe and you'll hear him

Bark at the moon

Years spent in torment
Buried in a nameless grave
Now he has risen
Miracles would have to save
Those that the beast is looking for
Listen in awe and you'll hear him

Bark at the moon

They cursed and buried him
Along with shame
And thought his timeless soul had gone
In empty burning Hell-unholy one
But now he's returned to prove them wrong

Howling in shadows
Living in a lunar spell
He finds his heaven
Spewing from the mouth of hell

And when he finds who he's looking for
Listen in awe and you'll hear him Bark at the moon


Saturday, February 25, 2012

P.S.S. time to shave, (I wonder why?), couple weeks now's my teen coming of age / comedy / novelist / treatment writer look;)

P.S. switched music video upload...

i like this picture...

New Order - Regret (Fire Island Mix)

Wow! Last minute road trip to LA...


just in time for the reception [5pm]...

what to wear?

Wait, I'm always packed...

"formal wear too"

women's equestrian pants, brown suede...

black cowboy boots - can't find socks hmmm? oh yeah in my bag.

charcoal harris tweed jacket, i guess...

Rolling Stones - Miss You (Dr. Dre Remix 2002)

The Rolling Stones - Miss You (Special Disco Version)

I Can Dream About You - Dan Hartman (HQ Audio)

Billy Ocean - Carribbean Queen

The Cars- Good Times Roll

Billy Joel - It's Still Rock And Roll To Me

Friday, February 24, 2012

Just do your best sweety...

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Breaking the 4th wall again for a minute...

I tried to make the midnight deadline to post (what I'm still typing)...I was absorbed, I thought I could finish and it passed and then it was 1am and then now...

"I was looking for you" I thought you might have gone to sleep early :

I read and reread what I had written earlier - I kinda wanted to let that one linger before getting covered by this other post... "it's a capsized ship"

The previous post (I've been smiling all afternoon) actually gave me strength to tackle this other one.

Also, it's so much about me I wasn't sure it was appropriate to dedicate - now I think it is, because there are so many more sweet memories then bad ones...

Its an epic post I hope that somewhat makes up for anything - I should have typed this sooner...

OMG you got me now, how can I top myself, make up for not slipping in one more late night... :)

I know you will believe me when I say that I would treat every day like it was your birthday, or a holiday - just normal, you know, "just another day." ;)

I know you do - right? :)

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The Alphabet and Roger craps jewels that power his spaceship...

[it's 3:15 now, I can't edit it in light of recent developments, i'm besides myself in a good way, I can't even re-read my post right now, I'm just going to watch the Roger videos, maybe I can read {these parts} sigh!!!:) I'm so spazed out about this - its amazing me!!!:) 3:35 it's the best strangest feeling ever...taking a deep breath...]

This writing on my blog (so much) stuff is helping me to organize my thoughts, channel my high energy brain activity which calms me and helping me see new ways of living and approaching's so fun.

Another bloggee metaphor, one day at a time and one post leads to another...

Like the 12th letter of the alphabet comes before "Lucky 13" which got me writing that other post "The Serius Connection" ...

So this 12th letter has me reading and thinking about varied and interesting things - like what your doing while your procrastinating is a clue to what you should be doing with your life...

[I've tried reading through these first few and its kind of "sticky" hard to edit right now but it eventually gets rolling - it started as an outline, turned into a thought experiment that led to an interesting last cup of coffee before I post this]

2:15PM ish ...!!! {it became another thought experiment! w-o-w is an understatement, there just thoughts that can turn into action (just saying), but still WOW...another big sigh}

{ } = {recent entries as of 2:30 pm Wednesday February 22, 2012}

{4:33} updated

A. {A is for...big sigh and my brain is spinning...} My previous post about The Glass Managerie" is one giant metaphor on different levels - but you actually have to read the play. And its sort of about that very thing but there are so many tangents and complimentary angles. There is a reason why Tennessee Williams was Tennessee Williams and in figuring himself out he inadvertently helped a lot of people through his stories...
B. {blow, not cocaine}In the spirit of enjoying life and getting on with things: I might write an essay and pitch it to 19th letter of alphabet sitting around discussing place website, and room in an old house. (or another publication)
C. {can't even write it (now I can), candles, CAKE!} You know, they have quirky yet erudite essays on super contemporary things, they might appreciate this connection thats been made between Procrastination, Pinterest, The Glass Menagerie, Positive Psychology, Happiness and the perils of not acting in your play, or actually following through, writing it and getting it published. Its awesome to build a bridge to the future you just never want to build one that you never cross, sometimes you can get lost too and keep circling back around and then end up jumping off the bridge.
D. {donut as a kind of dessert...cake!} Also, my spastic brain, that I'm learning to put to use can help me play a lot of different "acting" rolls, kind of like Roger and his propensity to roll play...helps find solutions to things.
E. {elated, elephants trumpeting, Dumbo flying / Everything, every day craziness} So I might pitch this new clothing invention to this TV invention show, 17th letter of alphabet which would be perfect for places like Hot Topic (various other places) - kind of like something you would just grab out of a bucket, its small, inexpensive, would come in varied colors etc. its so ridiculous, again something that only Roger could come up with and its ridiculousness is its appeal.
F. {fanatical fun, fantasy, fennel salad!? }I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this but it could be an excuse to meet people, you know for productive ways, 14th letter of alphabet, something I haven't been very good at doing. I need the practice.
G. {gorgeous in every way, I can't even imagine} Clothing item of necessity spawned by my 12th letter of alphabet diet and my not caring to get the actual thing that would actually do the job - its nifty though. An exercise in pitching ideas.
H. {happy, hi! herringbone fishes (me too)} I've had an idea to start a kind of boutique advertising agency, for very very specific projects, more of a conceptual approach but also straight forward; if anything just to get the foot in the door kind of thing or a framework to collaborate. I probably shouldn't categorize as "advertising" because it could be supplementary or complimentary to a lot of different things; sometimes it could just simply exist as a DBA on an invoice, or a tax write off, insurance purposes, or simply an excuse for everything...
I. {in to it, intuition} I've learned from experience that its best to focus on one thing and get really good at it; so I have to be careful and not stray, it would have to eventually be a collaborative effort...sometimes loose, sometimes for a set period, and some cases permanent but always evolving...
J. {joy, jumping, swim to Japan and back, roger sings jolene} I've sort of tried this before it materialized in the form of an art gallery (physical space) but it always struggled to become this other thing and so it was a bit haphazard, I don't want to say the wrong people, probably more "me" ...not being assertive enough or realistic when it counted.
H. {ha ha ha ha! repeat for infinity} I learned the hard way that you don't always need a $4000 dollar gallery space - cool, but also a giant anchor...Being captain I eventually set fire to my pirate ship (it had wood floors, that we were always mopping) I'd like to think it was a raging storm in the South China Sea, full moon and lightning. I love swimming so I've survived, I've been holding on to a plank, I saw clouds and sighted an island, making an oar and a sail....
I. {impossibly infatuated, infinity} I realized that what I enjoyed most were the "ideas" and we could have done a lot of the same cool things working from home or meeting at cafes (we did a lot of that).
J. {jumping jackrabbits, juniper deserts} But you can't always be home and cut-off from the action, thats what I've mostly been doing, lately
K. {killing me:)} But from a positive perspective its been a sort of incubation period
L. {Love, lapping, laugh, lap, late-at-night, languid mornings, languid nights, living-w/u ( I writing this)} But i've been sort of lost and keep returning to the same spot, so now I'm kind of "pushing over the bike" like Roger does (video below), I don't have to be in a metaphorical box, I've been in a real rut but I've realized I can enjoy climbing out of it.
M. {is for Missoula, been there love it want to go back so bad...pls, mornings, moment by moment, memories (new and for always), m-a-r-r-y with two r's (did I really write this did you really just read this!?)} That really "being myself" is the best solution to my problems; real or unreal.
N. {nostalgia for coffee, nopales grow on cactus, nap of fabric, nap, taking one, Napoli, It.} This "blogging effort" this past month and a half or two is like a be yourself metaphor
O. {that "O", donuts, OB/Gyn (bold of me huh!!!? really bold of YOU actually;)} its a cliche but I suppose i've never had to push the boundaries of "being yourself" for something that, means so much to me...
P. {pears, cactus fruit, pears North West, pears Anjou France, P-L-E-A-S-E! :)} I've always risked it but its tended to backfire on me - Roger is always risking it and he fails sometimes but he learns something or he comes to realize that one thing out of his crazy effort that mattered the most, because he's honest (and its usually the craziest thing but Roger is always very sweet even though sometimes its vulgar)
Q. {q-tips in the bathroom;), quality time, quiet, quixotic} I'm going to stop talking about it so much and just do it (I don't really have a problem with that)
R. {Rest, resting, relaxing, ready or not, romance doesn't do it justice, radio astronomy, "...really did i write this!?"} This is my outline or that, now-and-again assessment. I'm ending on "R" in honor of Roger - ending on "R" - "It really just happened like that..." - That's what I want to say (someday).


Steve Smith: [talking about the cool things a video game alien can do] Oh... um... sorry, Roger
Roger the Alien: No, no, you said it. It's out in the open. We have to live with it now.


Steve Smith: Seriously, can't you do *anything*?
Roger the Alien: I can get my feelings hurt and throw a world-class hissy fit!


Roger: [after getting a faceful of cocaine] I AM INCREDIBLY FOCUSED RIGHT NOW!

Steve and Haley rapture(American Dad)

Roger - The finger pyramid of evil contemplation [Sub Italian]

Stan... Yes to these?

American Dad - Roger - I Dreamt Of Paris Again Last Night

Roger makes it rain

Roger's cheque book

jenga test engineer

Roger Pushes Over Bike

American Dad Jolene

and last but not least!

- It starts in "Homeland Insecurity", when Roger reveals that he poops golden, jewel encrusted turds.

- the Golden Turd turns up again in "Rapture's Delight" when Jesus returns it to Roger who needs it to power his space ship in an effort to escape Earth during the final battle between the forces of good and evil. But first, Jesus needs Roger to fly himself and Stan to the United Nations Building in New York to fight the Anti-Christ.

American Dad: The Golden Turd Saga

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Tennessee Williams "The Glass Menagerie"

I nearly read it straight through, it's only seven short scenes.

It's a somewhat autobiographical story and to see how that can be synthesized into a play - well, I've never really been able to appreciate that sort of thing fully until now.

The brutal honesty struck me. It made me reflect on what i've recently written which is also a sort of autobiography. So that and some other things that I read today but couldn't pin down at first, (I could, I just wanted to write pin) have given me further impetus to post what I had written yesterday.

Not that I wasn't feeling good about posting this "autobiography." It's more akin to a sense of feeling "safe." I don't know if thats the right word, I still need to process it in my mind. But actually, to be honest, safe is the word I'm feeling.

I keep building "these posts" up and that's really not my intention. Back tracking for a second. Driving home my mind made a connection that I hadn't really put together (it seems obvious now) it made me go "wow." When I first saw this earlier today, this vociferation, this statement of honesty; I was totally impressed (not that I need to be) it was just refreshing (that's not the right word either) and not that this sort of thing should surprise me either.

This strength and this willingness to be vulnerable is beautiful. Sorry, I'm sleepy the wrong words seem to keep popping up (sort of a clumsy choice of words) but maybe those are the more honest ones. So perhaps wow isn't the correct word but actually maybe it is.

And it's also the "synthesis" that struck me more then anything and that someone would take something and apply it in their own way; something I suggested or alluded too. At times I wish I could communicate in so few words but I must say I'm enjoying, this sort of, mirrored dichotomy.

Again, I'm sleepy, my powers of concentration are wavering; if I could be "there" in person I would express it in a more simple non verbal way...this, "admiration."

Ha ha I have to laugh, this post I still need to finish copying rambles so long that if anybody happens upon my blog later tomorrow, they would probably click away to something else.

Vaguely related insomuch as you could infer this scene of the harpsichord and the little girl to the character of "Laura." I wouldn't want to spoil the plot for anybody.

Tempo di Gavotta by chistiane lang

Jean-Marie Straub and Daniele Huillet Tempo di Gavotta by chistiane lang from The Chronicle of Anna Magdalena Bach

I'm falling asleep goodnight.

Starting Now: 1:15 min of typing before swimming

But first a PSA of sorts...

Some "abstract thoughts" that have popped into my mind...

You can learn balance in a swimming pool.
I think I would be a good teacher since I've been working on my technique obsessively. I'd go all out with an admissions process, perhaps even give out a need based scholarship. But really I would rather just swim; so yes a bit selfish with the teaching thing; it would be hard to take on students, since I'd rather spend time roaming around and finding new and interesting places. Maybe I'll try this teaching-swim-drills-thing once and see how it goes.

Good technique starts with a strong core which helps with balance (easier said then done)...when you feel like a gyroscope thats the sweet spot of swimming.

Also, tiptoeing from the showers to the pool is dangerous - I pretend that I'm a duck and put my weight on the ball of my foot and spread my toes a little bit. I don't worry about slipping because I feel like I can catch myself.

I've got to randomly start doing these again...

Ab Exercises: The Plank

I declare this to be the most "relaxing" swim drill video ever.

Freestyle drills and technique - Sculling and recovery
thanks ahowe77

what is this


(She's got) Looks That KIll >: # "in the seasons of wither"

after last night, I woke up in the mood to listen to Motley Crue

motley crue - shout at the devil w/ lyrics

ToniV881 (1 week ago)

I shout at the devil everyday!!  >: #

gummiebears130 (1 month ago)


LesMetalleux321 (1 month ago)

@prettywolf11 my girlfriend said she doesn't like this song... Now she is single.. i am joking... i don't have a girlfriend!

"this is my first song with lyrics so please no bad comments and go to my profile to view my other vids that i have made so far"
thanks badboy12369

Motley Crue - Looks That Kill

Now listen up
She's razor sharp
If she don't get her way
She'll slice you apart
Now she's a cool, cool black
She moves like a cat
If you don't get her game
Well you might not make it back

She's got the looks that kill, That kill
She's got the looks that kill, That kill
She's got the looks

She's got look kill
She's got look kill

Now she's bulletproof
She keeps her motor clean
Oh, and believe me, you
She's a number thirteen
The church strikes midnight
She's lookin' louder and louder
She's gonna turn on HER juice, boy
Well then she'll turn on her power

She's got the looks that kill, That kill
She's got the looks that kill, That kill
She's got the looks

She's got look kill
She's got look kill
She's got look kill
She's got the looks


Now listen up
She's razor sharp
If she don't get her way
She'll slice you apart
Well she's a cool, cool black
Moves like a cat
If you don't get her game
You might not make it back

She's got the looks that kill, That kill
She's got the looks that kill, That kill
She's got the looks

She's got look kill
She's got look kill

(Repeat to fade)

Monday, February 20, 2012

A little while ago I said fuck and then F-U-C-K...

and then i smiled...(excuse the vulgarity).

I turned the corner to the pool it was closed on account of the holiday and then it dawned on me that I would have to face what I just spent two hours writing in my notebook.

It was a relief actually because I've been barely able to swim lately; I think I've even lost some muscle mass too. I'll talk to the lifeguards or kind of even keep my swim buddies from leaving so I can talk for just a bit longer. My main swim buddies happen to be women (I have some guy swim buddies but they don't swim so much and then there are some who just don't talk; and then some guys are just assholes); the other night we were laughing on account of our seeming lack of a life, especially on Valentines Day when the pool was essentially empty; we one-by-one kind of snuck out early, I was 2nd to last, and left "D" by herself; we all had a good laugh about this the other night. "D" will just swim non stop and wave while she's doing a turn; so she didn't notice till she was done that everyone was gone. I digress a little bit but I will say that women have a certain wisdom that I respect and because I mostly was writing about my Godmother - her name was Georgiana and she was a very special and important women in my life.

I remember she liked Roy Orbison and she use to listen to this song
"The Stylistics - You Make Me Feel Brand New" on account of her 3rd Ex-Husband, the only man she really loved. But he was also physically abusive and an alcoholic and they couldn't live together but he came around often. He was a police officer and he was one of the first to arrive at the scene when Marilyn Monroe died. Its sad but true. Someone had to know someone who was there, six degrees of separation or something like that. My Godmother met him because her house caught on fire and he was one of the cops who happened to show up. His name was Bobsy and he reminded me of Popeye, he had been in the Navy and could fly a helicopter - he was very cool. I have a really really good memory (seriously) this was all when I was about 3-7 years old.

I'm feeling better writing this right now.

What I had written earlier left me sort of lost and with a 1000 yard stare. I was happy, sad, relieved and confused. It started so innocuously, I was playing some Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons on youtube (?) and then that and this picture of "backgammon" just took me down this road to my childhood.

I almost couldn't go to the pool - I actually sat and played this droning seeming cold song Vital-Ferox - Slerotika (thank you Artek777 I've posted it so much) and it calmed me.

My post starts rather obtuse but perhaps thats good because there are a few really personal things that I haven't really talked about; so I jump around a bit at first good insurance against the casual reader, it's harder to pin me down that way.

Vital-Ferox - Slerotika

thanks again Artek777

I'm laughing at myself and smiling right now as I hit "Publish Post" Has anyone ever clicked on who my roll model is in life - it's ROGER -I had forgotten and clicked recently; I just need to make myself laugh.

Old Man & Rime Of The Ancient Mariner

The road that I live on is somewhat rural, there are strawberry fields on one side, a couple churches and a few houses spaced far apart.

I went for a walk this afternoon, and ran into these two tall men who were walking in the opposite direction, towards me. They were identical twins, dressed the same and they both had blond stringy shoulder length hair. They looked like surfers that had just stepped out of the 70's and they spoke with a deep southern drawl.

The first brother asked me if he could ask me a question. They needed directions to the 101 and were wondering if there was a convenience store along the way before they got to the next town. I told them to take the road just before the cemetery, that that was a short cut.

The second brother was walking just a little further behind. I kind of wanted to stare, they where both so tall, so otherworldly, I looked at him and smiled.

He also asked me if he could ask me a question. He was wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Albert Einstein on it but I couldn't make out what it said. He asked how old I thought he looked. I told him that he looked my age. When he stopped to talk to me he took a couple steps back into the road as a car was approaching. His brother told him to be careful. So then, I asked, "how old do I look?" He was smiling, in fact the whole time they where both smiling, even when I first saw them from far away. He said 23. I said, "there you go," and he didn't say anything and smiled even more.

So I went to get my camera. Of course I couldn't find them and it's a long road, they seemed to have just disappeared.

I've kind of just spooked myself thinking back on this. They've been constructing a new road, so what was once a crossroad is now permanently blocked. Maybe these two brothers were spirits trying to find their way? Perhaps Jon and Jim are actually really really old and it was a trick question he was asking me? It's been about 12 days since I've taken this walk and its the exact same spot that I ran into another traveler and I had an interesting conversation with him too.

Its cool that two brothers were on a long walk together and that they're also twins. I bet that must be a special kind of love. Perhaps Jim in front, he might of been the older of the two (by how many minutes (?) I should have asked); because he seemed to be looking out for Jon.

No, I'm not really scared but I might watch that sleepy bunny video right now before I jump into bed:)

Neil Young Old Man live in '71

IRON MAIDEN "Rime Of The Ancient Mariner"

Hear the rime of the ancient mariner
See his eye as he stops one of three
Mesmerises one of the wedding guests
Stay here and listen to the nightmares of the sea.

And the music plays on, as the bride passes by
Caught by his spell and the mariner tells his tale.

Driven south to the land of the snow and ice
To a place where nobody's been
Through the snow fog flies on the albatross
Hailed in God's name, hoping good luck it brings.

And the ship sails on, back to the North
Through the fog and ice and the albatross follows on.

The mariner kills the bird of good omen
His shipmates cry against what he's done
But when the fog clears, they justify him
And make themselves a part of the crime.

Sailing on and on and north across the sea
Sailing on and on and north 'til all is calm.

The albatross begins with its vengeance
A terrible curse a thirst has begun
His shipmates blame bad luck on the mariner
About his neck, the dead bird is hung.

And the curse goes on and on AND ON at sea
And the thirst goes on and on for them and me.

"Day after day, day after day,
we stuck nor breath nor motion
as idle as a painted ship upon a painted ocean
Water, water everywhere and
all the boards did shrink
Water, water everywhere nor any drop to drink."

There calls the mariner
There comes a ship over the line
But how can she sail with no wind in her sails and no tide.

See...onward she comes
Onward she nears out of the sun
See, she has no crew
She has no life, wait but there's two.

Death and she Life in Death,
They throw their dice for the crew
She wins the mariner and he belongs to her now.
Then...crew one by one
they drop down dead, two hundred men
She...she, Life in Death.
She lets him live, her chosen one.

"One after one by the star dogged moon,
too quick for groan or sigh
each turned his face with a ghastly pang
and cursed me with his eye
four times fifty living men
(and I heard nor sigh nor groan)
with heavy thump, a lifeless lump,
they dropped down one by one."

The curse it lives on in their eyes
The mariner he wished he'd die
Along with the sea creatures
But they lived on, so did he.

And by the light of the moon
He prays for their beauty not doom
With heart he blesses them
God's creatures all of them too.

Then the spell starts to break
The albatross falls from his neck
Sinks down like lead into the sea
Then down in falls comes the rain.

Hear the groans of the long dead seamen
See them stir and they start to rise
Bodies lifted by good spirits
None of them speak and they're lifeless in their eyes

And revenge is still sought, penance starts again
Cast into a trance and the nightmare carries on.

Now the curse is finally lifted
And the mariner sights his home
spirits go from the long dead bodies
Form their own light and the mariner's left alone.

And then a boat came sailing towards him
It was a joy he could not believe
The pilot's boat, his son and the hermit,
Penance of life will fall onto him.

And the ship it sinks like lead into the sea
And the hermit shrieves the mariner of his sins.

The mariner's bound to tell of his story
To tell this tale wherever he goes
To teach God's word by his own example
That we must love all things that God made.

And the wedding guest's a sad and wiser man
And the tale goes on and on and on.

Prmlimajr (6 months ago)

There is only one band in the world capable of making a 12 years old brazilian boy read Samuel Taylor Coleridge. Epic!

drolliaverbg (7 months ago)

English dictionary, the word epic. There is only one description, Iron Maiden, Rime Of The Ancient Mariner

MrNovokmet (1 day ago)

the best 13 minutes,I've spent in a long time.what tale,what a lesson

PoisonBlade415 (1 day ago)

@MrNovokmet more like 14 minutes...

Saturday, February 18, 2012

(\___/) ( - . - ) o_(")(")

Sleepy Baby Bunny


blueythedolphin2 (6 days ago)

i had to punch a wall to feel like a man again

sooeyrox (2 days ago)

(\___/) ( - . - ) o_(")(")

Everyday I Write the Book;)

Elvis Costello 1983 Everyday I Write the Book

Everyday I Write The Book

Don't tell me you don't know what love is
When you're old enough to know better
When your dreamboat turns out to be a footnote
I'm a man with a mission in two or three editions

And I'm giving you a longing look
Everyday, everyday, everyday I write the book

Chapter One we didn't really get along
Chapter Two I think I fell in love with you
You said you'd stand by me in the middle of Chapter Three
But you were up to your old tricks in Chapters Four, Five and Six

The way you walk
The way you talk, and try to kiss me, and laugh
In four or five paragraphs
All your compliments and your cutting remarks
Are captured here in my quotation marks

Don't tell me you don't know the difference
Between a lover and a fighter
With my pen and my electric typewriter
Even in a perfect world where everyone was equal
I'd still own the film rights and be working on the sequel

I've been working on a blog post for two days, "The Sirius Connection" Death is a Star


Max Ernst (French, born Germany, 1891–1976)
The Fireside Angel, 1937
Oil on canvas; 44 7/8 x 57 1/2 in. (114 x 146 cm)
Private collection
© 2004 Artists Rights Society (ARS), New York/ADAGP, Paris

Max Ernst’s Fire Side Angel

Vital-Ferox - Slerotika

thanks again Artek777

Of course Sirius is a star in the sky, the dog star I believe, and because I was writing about a serious subject and it does refer to some mystical things but you'll have to wait for the entire post.

Right now I'm kind of breaking the "4th wall" just for a bit and thats an important analogy because the essential crux of "The Sirius Connection" is about addressing issues head on as they arise so that they don't linger and accumulate into resentments. I think that's one of the underlying causes that end relationships. I'm no expert but I think that's also been an issue of mine in the past. I've been kind of shy and lost out on a lot of things and I've also been in situations where I haven't spoken up or asserted myself. Nothing is ever perfect believe me I know and I count my blessings but from here on out I want to give "life" a fighting chance.

I'll admit that its kind of been scary but I'm amazed that I'm now suddenly, not shy anymore; when it counts that is, because I think I'm still naturally whom I've always been; "the child is the father of the man." I had thought I made a mistake about a month ago but then I realized that I still had one door open, and it didn't give me very much assurance, your own mind can play tricks on you and make you second guess everything. I came to the realization that it was grounded in love so I doubled down; I think I've quadrupled down by now!? Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only person in the world who would take this crazy path - I think so. I'm not being arrogant, the reality is that this has forced me to break past my own barriers and there is only one me! Someday, that cup of coffee - that will be the best one ever...

[OMFG its 4am, speaking of which, the coffee later this morning is going to hit the spot - for sure - I'm smiling and shaking my head...]

And even though I'm occasionally a little high energy with the thoughts, I've realized that my subconscious is helping me out, by having me write and think about something really hard...I normally just post and worry about it later and that is fine too. But right now its telling me to put that something (communication) into practice. If you can understand the crazy way I think about things, just take that as a sign and put it in you back pocket for a bit, mull it over, please.

This is the last sentence of the last paragraph "The Sirius Connection" post:


...I wrote all this because its the only thing i've got right now (I do love it) and in my weird time travel dreams (I watch a lot of movies), I would never want to be in a situation where, song follows...

Pet Shop Boys - I Don't Know What You Want But I Can't Give It Anymore


The post in it's entirety is not ready yet (and thats a perfect theme or analogy) I'm too tired, it will probably take me the weekend, when ever its ready, that will be the perfect time to read it - its SERIOUS but also fun of course.

On my most recent post there were some songs out of order and I also left one out.

The first song was suppose to be Pet Shop Boys - Closer to Heaven (Slow version) the operative word is s-l-o-w. Closer to Heaven is a beautiful analogy and sentiment that I really feel, I don't want to take away from that.

But right now my body, heart and soul are connected to a physical brain and its telling me to go s-l-o-w-l-y...

Its a riddle and a mystery I can only think about it for a moment, like I mentioned, in that song, it sometimes makes me sad but it's also a reminder to appreciate everything more, all the small stuff matters. But I accept it too, that some day this and all other things will be no more. Then we'll be truly free (no more tears or anxieties, just love) and if,,,,we still choose each other... what ever that would be like; it will all be faster then the speed of light. Molasses analogies will just be sweet thoughts in the poem of eternity:)

The Clash - Death is a Star

thanks for the vid Alexm799


And I was gripped by that deadly phantom
I followed him through hard jungles
As he stalked through the back lots
Strangling through the night shades

The thief of life
Moved onwards and outwards to love

In a one stop only motel
A storm bangs on the cheapest room
The phantom slips in to spill blood
Even on the sweetest honeymoon

The killer of love
Caught the last late Niagara bus

By chance or escaping from misery
Bu suddeness or in answer to pain
Smoking in the dark cinema
You could see the bad go down again

And the clouds are high in Spanish mountains
And a Ford roars through the night full of rain.

The killer's blood flows
But he loads his gun again

Make a grown man cry like a girl
To see the guns dying at sunset

In vain lovers claimed
But they never had met.

Friday, February 17, 2012


Umm... this isn't really a good photo.

I should keep trying again and again. Maybe next time I'll bring a sandwich with me (you know) so I can be more patient and wait for that golden hour, when the sun is shinning just right.

I took this not so good landscape photo this past Sunday, it was drizzling and kind of cold. On days like that (actually always) I dream of being in the Seychelles... I'd find a deserted beach and just lay my face in the warm sand...

On reflection, I think that the cool weather made me a bit impatient, it had been kind of foggy too but it finally lifted; lesson learned on the importance of dressing appropriately...

Pet Shop Boys - Closer to heaven (Slow version)


cochristian62 (1 day ago)

I just love this song! this version moves me so

angelfieramente (2 months ago)

Tanto en el álbum "Nightlife" (1999), como en el musical de Jonathan Harvey, "Closer To Heaven" reúne la brillantez formal de la mayor parte de los temas de PSB (una orquestación majestuosa, épica) y los aullidos de amor y la bala de plata de su grito interno, de sus letras tan arrebatadoramente humanas ("Tell me now / You're coming home tonight"), donde una vez más el amor y todos sus matices encuentra su reflejo en este verso de Luis García Montero: "Tú me llamas, amor, yo cojo un taxi".

Adriana1111000 (1 year ago)

Thank you! this version is very sweet! I like it!


When I listen to this song sometimes I get a little sad "the city's aflood and our love turns to rust" imagining the far far far off future- like the end of that movie "Artificial Intelligence" when the little kid robot is stuck in his capsule and its the next ice age, the city is iced over (i think)...

Pet Shop Boys - Where the Streets Have No Name (I Can't Take My Eyes off You)

Left To My Own Devices (The Disco Mix) - Pet Shop Boys


Thursday, February 16, 2012


I wrote some stuff late this afternoon, I posted for half an hour and then took it down. I've got to check the god dam puns and the logic of its tone;)

So I left it but it was on my mind as I drove to do an errand. I loved the last paragraph its ending everything else I can live with too, it helped me get to the end, my entire point was so simple actually.

I was trying to say that communication is important and that I'm hopeful because at least in the most simple terms and working within a certain constraint errr we've gotten some practice? Made a breakthrough? Smoke signals - shades of grey? Please forgive me its late, I'll tidy it up tomorrow:)

Sometimes after I post something I think, did I write that (?) and did I also post it on the internet? I might wake up in the morning and wonder if the sky is still blue.

I plopped in a tape it flips over and "Pretty Woman" Roy Orbison comes on... I seriously just started laughing thinking about everything; everything I had just written - laughing at myself, then a half chuckle and then a few tears welled up too and I played it again - I was happy (perhaps with a tiny dose of pent up frustration;). This song, it just struck a nerve and that beat at the beginning it just drove me nuts for a second; it all seemed so perfectly neat and tidy a three minute song...of course everything I wrote about is kind of what comes after "the song" - I'm laughing again now but i've stopped crying, I kind of wish I would...

Elvis presley - Pretty woman

Our House - Madness

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Time On My Hands: seventy, eighty, ninety party

(I sat here editing - I better get to the pool)

I had dinner with two beautiful women Saturday night. Tammy made eggplant parmesan, she's Italian on her mother's side, it was authentically delicious. I've met her once before when Louise invited me to a small get together when we all watched episodes of Absolutely Fabulous, she said it was kind of in my honor, since we had talked about it a bit and I had said that Adina and Patsy where my heroes (I love their free thinking). In particular we watched an episode where Edina goes looking for her gay son in NYC; Woopie Goldberg does a cameo she's a social worker she thinks Adina might be "L" and Patsy a "T".

Tammy, she's a knock-out blonde, she's from Queens and the real deal (take careful notes, there is a quiz at the end).

Louise is Irish but has lived state side for half her life. She's texted me a couple times from the Lexington and if I lived in SF I would have probably joined her; I would probably have even gotten out of bed, even if it were a warm bed, just to have a "last call" beer and to make sure she got home alright.

After dinner we were going to a theme party - 50's housewife, polka dots, glitter; of course I was going to attempt to dress the part.

Anyhow long story - the party was at a bar, I thought it was going to be at a house (so did Tammy); too late to rethink my outfit - a Halston 3 era red white polka dot top that wouldn't button in the front at all, no shirt that kind of ruined it (think Matador long sleeved jacket) I guess since I swim every day I feel comfortable and I've gotten a tad thinner too (its a crazy diet, I highly recommend). There are other outfit details, editing...

So at the bar, this young lady comes up to me and to my astonishment it took me a couple moments - she was hitting on me - what, that doesn't happen very often!? She had this line, something about "looking lonely," something about photography and I started to explain and then she was smiling and I stopped trying to explain (in my mind "oh") and I was polite and she was fishing around and I wasn't rude but I also didn't try very hard to show a lot of interest. I went to sit back down next too Tammy and Louise.

I'm not bragging but perhaps it was the open shirt - seriously it was more cool than cheesy I kind of pulled it off... I really don't go out much at all but I'd like to go dancing if it was the right spot and very crowded, I'm not that great.

I count my blessing to at least have a few cool friends (still waiting on the pictures); But as I sat there I was sort of sad, I loved listening to the music and seeing the pretty girls and the cool guys and all of that but it all seemed kind of empty at least for me; there was no connection... I'll stop whining because if I ever think I feel like an outsider or at times a bit lonely I think Tammy might have it 10,000 times worse - I asked her if she goes out much and she says she doesn't at all (I'll let you read between the lines...).

I bugged the dj's next to me for the rest of the night... Tammy requested "Relax" and I requested, "Move This Shake Your Body," Technotronic.

Louise is @ :37 short hair at the church and thats her red MG - cool story.

Train - Save Me, San Francisco

Pet Shop Boys - Time On My Hands

For the future...

Queen Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy

I'm not talking about Kate Middleton, she already has one...

@ 1:49 Aww Brian May f'd up his guitar solo, I feel better...

So, whenever, wherever, with whomever; perhaps the...

Ritz - Someday in Pareee, Londinium
Ritz - There's a chain, lots of major cities and peripheries; Pasadena, lake near Vegas, Dana Point
Ritz - there's the cracker, their sweet


pfootball43 (5 months ago)

Freddie is the only guy I consider 'hot'

theoneandonlysarab (5 months ago)


1rendezvous (1 day ago)

here's my response to your valentines to me.

SPC1983 (1 week ago)

@squirrelmart "Driving back in style in my saloon will do quite nicely, take me back to yours that will be fine"

nanabanana3893 (1 week ago)

This has to be my favorite Queen song. Its so flirtatious, and fun. Never get tired of listening to this band or song. Freddie Mercury is simply amazing. Wish he was still alive and singing.

nicol2812 (1 week ago)

ohh MIKA remindes me of Freddie...

flacapauv (1 month ago)

I need 47 condons and a machine time

imprint808 (1 month ago)

Farrokh Bulsara (Freddie Mercury) i love your music

candy22102000 (1 month ago)

@squirrelmart Driving back in style, in my saloon will do quite nicely Just take me back to yours that will be fine (Come on and get it)

atraxam (1 month ago)

@pfootball43 shit, and I thought i was the only one having that mind :-)

Queen - Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon


WeTheStrange (5 months ago)

I'm absolutely crazy about this piece of music.

grecasophia (4 months ago)

when i was a kid, me and my puppy we used to dance arround with this song :) ...happy memories :)

AlarV (1 day ago)

I want to do exactly what the song says for a week! I'll call it Mercury week :D

braducsb2 (1 week ago)

Cool song - even though Freddie Mercury was a "fanny fucker," he was still the man... if that makes sense!

paulieboy4u (2 weeks ago)

My Dad would never believe this was Queen

edsroraphael (2 weeks ago)

Muiito bom!!!

yerk3 (3 weeks ago)

He came from Zanzibar, he was no ordinary guy....

SerranistaLutheriana (4 weeks ago)

Its soooooooooooooooooooooooo chezzy...god it´s alredy stucked on my head! i need to put it on my MP3 , One more song of Queen in that little thing!

Queen - Seaside Rendezvous


mariecurie32 (1 month ago)

My problems are gone for 2 minutes and 16 seconds

BigDVulturous (6 months ago)

Its seems so ggod to hear this again after years of not hearing it. When I was 10 I used to love it and now it feels like pure nostalgia. X) Still love it

meddowstaylor100 (1 day ago)


kissification369 (1 week ago)

"C'est la vie Mesdames et Messieurs" Freddie speaking french ... <3

humblehumbleful (2 weeks ago)

@Kamyu03 i agree XD

humblehumbleful (2 weeks ago)

hahaha love the high voice at 1:05 - 1:10

Kamyu03 (2 weeks ago)

Jazz at it's best..

hahaspongebob121 (2 weeks ago)

Queen songs always manage to make me feel happy and hopeful.

akanawha (3 weeks ago)

This was always a favorite of mine. Many of my friends would cringe on songs like this. It just shows what an amazing variety of writing ability Freddie had. My all time favorite singer for almost forty years now. Freddie lives in his music.

Bernie8903 (3 weeks ago)

@MrQueenEMMA WOWWWW!!!!!Speechless.......Even a 'funny' song from Quenn is soo delightful mhhhhhh......

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

just another day - Oingo Boingo

The Smiths - Ask

Oingo Boingo-[Just Another Day]

bcage44 (2 months ago)

I miss Boingo...used to see them many Halloween nights in Irvine, CA

The Smiths - Ask



BAMchelsea (4 months ago)


CoQ10z (4 months ago)

@BAMchelsea WORDS TO LIVE BY !!!

rcurly11 (5 months ago)

"Shyness is nice,and shyness can stop you,from doing all the things in life you'd like to" - I'm so shy and it stops me from doing so many things.

andrewptob (3 days ago)

I'm sick of seeing "Boys Don't Cry" by The Cure in the suggestions among all the other Smiths classics.

letragique1969 (4 days ago)

Ask me, I won't say no, how could I ??

theswayzeexpress1 (2 weeks ago)

@Zfagster what the hell?

Lagrima13ful (2 weeks ago)

Oh, I really love this band is one of my favourites

severnyaquarius (2 weeks ago)

@rcurly11 too shy kajagoogoo

transonicbuoy (4 weeks ago)

I still have the original 12 inch. Yootha Joyce.

Afereth (1 month ago)

@TheScoreygoalgoal ahahahahaha

Symphonia IX - Grimes

Happy Halloween...

I laid down at 10pm and fell asleep, I was so tired I didn't even unbutton my jeans, I think I need a belt now; Wow I had a strange dream, dessert island, no where to hide, weird chanting, flickering flames and those drums you can't even swim away because the waves are so high, they would sweep you back or drown you anyway i'm running so thirsty ahh some coconut milk if only I could and its only after my brains kill me might bite me in the mouth first fuck so scary from now on I'm going to treat today like Halloween 2 i think 'i'll watch that movie tonight... Damn I better put my pants on now and get that first cup of coffee

this would be my costume

Motley Crue-Come On And Dance

I think I feel better now, its hard to shake that dream...

"I Must Feel Better" - Baldelli & Dionigi - In Flagranti RMX

Black Strobe - Back From Beyond

I hope its not...but thats ok too...

Motley Crue - Too Fast For Love

because I love merry go rounds...

Motley Crue - Merry Go Round

and those starry eyes...

Motley Crue - Starry Eyes

Mötley Crüe- On with the Show

Motley Crue - Take Me To The Top

Motley Crue - Looks That Kill

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Last Wednesday...Joan Osborne, One Of Us, Far Away Eyes

Last Wednesday I went for a walk to think about the weather. I ended up talking to this man, his name is Alan, he was sitting on a block of cement, in the dirt, at the end of my road with a backpack and sleeping bag. He is a dead ringer for David Lettermen in some Bizzaro World way. He said he was traveling North because Southern California was just too crowded.

I agreed with him and told him about some of my traveling last year and visiting New York in the summer. Though I enjoy the intensity I would always gravitate towards Washington Square Park to relax a bit. Seriously he looked so much like David Lettermen, I was fishing around thinking perhaps he's related, I wasn't far off...

Of course he had hung out in Wa Sq Prk and had lived in Manhattan but preferred upstate New York and up along the Saint Lawrence River and that it was really peaceful and pretty and that he'd like to go back there someday.

I don't know what it was, the sound of his voice, how he was so humble yet confident, his mannerisms, his entire aura. I was so at peace talking to him, it was really amazing I didn't want to leave, it sounds strange saying that but its true. We talked about photography too; he said something simple like its how you point the camera (I was imagining what his earlier life might have been like), I went back 20-minutes later to ask if I could take his picture but he was gone.

If this really was god perhaps he knew that this was the perfect way for me to see him. And that might be the way we end up seeing certain things. As a melody, music, a harmony, perfect from our perspective, "at a frequency we can only hear." Perhaps we then, in a note, go on to describe that something as "pretty," a common word often thrown around as a pleasantry. But in certain instances it comes at the end of a very thoughtful paragraph; a bit of levity if you will, a form of punctuation or a dissemblance (to mask) an otherwise deeper affection. Hopefully it doesn't discredit the heart and soul that tried to assemble a few simple words to the best of his ability so that he could share his feelings with someone. And also after other previous forms of reflection. Though it wasn't a huge proposal, it was delivered with out insistence and is willing to beareth what it needs to. If it ever tends to be playful (or scintillating) around the edges, thats just how it is.

So an ideal god for me would be David Lettermen? Funny, I don't even watch Lettermen; it would be kind of cool though, for all eternity, perhaps thats why I don't watch him now.

We talked a little bit more and to show him that we were somewhat on the level, I said that I spent a few nights crashing in Wa Sq Prk. He was surprised and he thought that that would have been impossible especially in NYC and it kind of is but if you stay out late enough there's always a few people hanging out talking. Its amazingly pretty staring at those arches and falling asleep and it feels safe because there are groups of friends and couples just sitting and talking and its 4 in the morning and its not even cold. Then the sun comes up and I would pretend like I was a lizard soaking up the sun on those granite slabs.

Earlier in the evening there are always two or three guitar circles; amazing guitarists and they don't mind if someone sits in who might not be so accomplished. They are all so humble and giving to each other and someone might be walking by and sit in for a song or two and have the most beautiful amazing voice. [Perhaps Wa Sq Prk is my idea of Heaven too]

I didn't really have to spend the night there (it did stretch the budget though) - I've always admired Joseph Koudelka (famous documentary photographer "Gipsies") and his rule or way of living. When he takes his long trips as a "documentary photographer" he doesn't worry about where he is going to sleep. I'm the adventurous type so I thought I would give it a try at least for a few days. It is liberating but ultimately kind of hard. I have lots of cool stories about all that.

Russell 3rd and Macdougal, West Village

In the morning its so amazingly awesome taking in the sun after a long night. Then going to get coffee and walking a few blocks to the East Village; I would go to this really narrow diner, its a Polish or Russian place, can't remember the name; that sure did hit the spot after a long night.

I'd been staying with a good good friend in Brooklyn but her boyfriend was getting really jealous and I kinda wanted to go exploring anyway... Before I left NYC we went to the Hamptons and to the very tip of Long Island, Mauntauk. If you drive just past, to the very tip, it gets even more beautiful and peaceful.

I called her and spoke to her when I was out walking this past Wednesday; sometimes we give each other advice, not that it's ever good but we convince each other that it is.

Joan Osborne - One Of Us

I would ask God to tell me a joke - it would make me feel better I'm sure. And just for me I bet he would tell it in the form of an amazing riddle that would take forever to figure out; that would be heavenly too.

Rolling stones - Far away eyes

Other heavenly advice I've been trying to take...

Far Away Eyes

I was drivin' home early Sunday morning through Bakersfield

Listenin' to gospel music on the colored radio station

And the preacher said, "You know, you always have the Lord by your side."

And I was so pleased to be informed of this

That I ran twenty red lights in his honor.

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Lord.

I had an arrangement to meet a girl

And I was kinda late.

And I thought, by the time I got there,

She'd be off - She'd be off with the nearest truck-driver she could find.

Much to my surprise, there she was, sittin' in the corner -

A little bleary - worse for wear and tear -

She was the girl with far-away eyes.

So if you're down on your luck, and you can't harmonize,

Find a girl with far-away eyes.

And if you're downright disgusted , and life ain't worth a dang,

Get a girl with far-away eyes.


Well the preacher kept right on sayin' that all I had to do

Was to send ten dollars to the Church of the Sacred Bleedin' Heart of Jesus

Located somewhere in Los Angeles, California,

And next week, they'd say my prayer on the radio

And all my dreams'd come true.

So I did.

And next week, I got a prayer for the girl

W- well, you know what kinda eyes she gots.

So if you're down on your luck, I know you oughtta sympathize.

Find a girl with far-away eyes.

And if you're downright disgusted , and life ain't worth a dang,

Get a girl with far-away eyes.

So if you're down on your luck, I know you oughtta sympathize.

Get a girl with far-away eyes.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Liv...Life On Mars Please Don't Go

Bowie - Life On Mars Original unbleached

Please Don't Go - Double You

1992 Classic Double You

Chapel Perilous, Oscar Wilde and I must Vs. Expect nothing of me - demand nothing

Last night my writers block of staring at a blank page made me feel like that Beach Boys song I posted previous to this. I did feel sad and thats ok.

This morning I woke up feeling oddly calm and peaceful; I went outside and walked around a little bit. I started thinking that perhaps that last post was a good way to let my blog sit for a long time; I wouldn't go on my Blogger for perhaps six months or longer.

I realized that thats oddly reminiscent of something I would have done when I was about 19 or so and even more recent then that; I think its a form of "passivity" or "repression" something like a coping mechanism.

I'll never be able to fully understand other people, getting to know someone individually is the best I could hope for and to give unconditional love.

However, I can try to understand myself a little better and deal with things, however the chips might fall...

My Cosmic Trigger Finger Is Broken
by Anonymous

Everything you fear is waiting with slavering jaws in Chapel Perilous, but if you are armed with the wand of intuition, the cup of sympathy, the sword of reason, and the pentacle of valor, you will find there (the legends say) the Medicine of Metals, the Elixir of Life, the Philosopher's Stone, True Wisdom and Perfect Happiness.


From: "The Psychology of Self-Esteem" Nathaniel Branden - A Revolutionary Approach to Self-Understanding That Launched a New Era in Modern Psychology

...Now, in what manner can depression relate to anxiety?

A person is made anxious because of urgent demands, claims, or slf-expectations which he feels unable to satisfy; for example, the imperative that he possess certain knowledge and be able to cope with certain responsibilities; or that he act in a certain manner, or that he respond emotionally in a certain manner; or that he live up to certain standards and ideals. He is caught in a conflict. Suppose that he attempts to deal with it, and to minimize his anxiety, by repressing both the conflict and related guilt. In its place, on the conscious level of his awareness, he experiences a sense of passivity, futility, an general worthlessness.

If one listens closely to his declarations that he is hopeless, that life is hopeless that he is "no good," one can discern another message to be read in his words: Expect nothing of me - demand nothing of me. Since he is incurably worthless, he is outside the realm of moral expectations; for him, there can be no "I must." In this manner he "resolves" the conflict that threatens him with anxiety.

In other words, he seeks to anticipate the worst and make it a fait accompli - without coming to grips with his actual problem. Under the guise of renouncing his self-esteem, he is still secretly trying to protect it by neurotic means.

This is one of the ways in which depression can be a subconsciously elected alternative to anxiety. But it is not the only pattern. Here is another.

This pattern is related to the foregoing, but is more indirect in its workings. It is the by-product of repression. Suppose that a man, rightly or wrongly, accepts certain moral standars or value-imperatives as essential criteria of his personal worth - and yet, in some crucial respect, feels unable to comply with them; or suppose he desires something desperately which he regards as immoral and, therefore, impossible to assert or pursue. The conflict is repressed. Since it is repressed, it cannot be resolved; he can either recheck his standards and discover whether he has made an error - nor can he form any rational policy in regard to the failure (s) or action (s) or desire (s) that is in conflict with his self-expectations.

He is left with the oppressive, enervating sense of some nameless, unalterable, irremediable burden, which he is sentenced to carry and live with to the end of his days. He has lost or minimized his anxiety. He may be comparatively free of conscious guilt. But what he experiences, instead, is despair - an exhausting despair that paralyzes the will to act.

He has relinquished the possibility of achieving self-esteem or happiness. But these are a man's motive power.

If, in the context of psychotherapy, the basic question to ask in regard to a patient's anxiety is: "What is your crime?" - the basic question to ask in regard to a patient's depression, is often: "What do you desire that you consider immoral and unattainable?"

To regain his mental health, the depressed person must be willing to experience anxiety - must be willing to relinquish the "comfort" of despair and to confront his anxiety-provoking conflicts, in order to resolve them and move forward.

Consider the situation of a man lost in some vast, icy, northern terrain, with snow stretching desolately and endlessly around him. He knows that there is a camp somewhere far ahead and he must reach it, that his life depends on reaching it. But he is exhausted and bitterly cold, and his passionate desire is only to lie down and rest. Yet if he does, he knows that he will fall asleep and die. To move is torture; but stillness is the end of hope.

The person suspended between anxiety and depression is like that man. He must resist the illusory comfort and despair and be willing to endure anxiety, to drive himself forward, to keep searching and moving, in order to reach safety, efficacy, and health. ...

Positive Role Model-Pet Shop Boys

The strength of women comes from the fact that psychology cannot explain us. Men can be analysed, women ... merely adored.

OSCAR WILDE, The Ideal Husband

“How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.” ~ Oscar Wilde

Pet Shop Boys - 13 Je T'Aime...Moi Non Plus

Pet Shop Boys - 07.- Friendly fire

“If you are not long, I will wait for you all my life.”
― Oscar Wilde